I really cannot explain all this. First, Chris had the best day he’s ever had one day this week I lose track as I had the virus that was passed around by all those who took care of Chris last weekend! I think I am through it now! Anyway, it’s interesting how I have changed over the last couple of years I think. Usually when I get sick I turn the tv on and pine away until it’s run its course! But not this time. For one, I still had to care for Chris so I couldn’t just “turn off” or take the time off really.
But I actually turned off the natural while it was feeling so rough and just slept and prayed. I have quite a few people that I am praying for each day right now. (see previous post -shifting outward) So I took advantage of the “down time” spent more time in in-depth prayer for them. I also spent time looking for His direction.
I guess what I hate most about being sick, other than just being sick, is that it throws my schedule off. I am a very structured person as a general rule and I do things a certain way most of the time. But this week I didn’t do the newsletter or the broadcast. I don’t like that as I feel so inconsistent! But I hope to get myself together and back up and going by next week.
A schedule is something that’s been difficult. Chris’ needs can be different every day. I try to order my time so that I can get all my penny sites in and write some articles every day. But then I still have the study guides and other projects I am working on. If I devote a lot of time to them I feel bad like I am not caring for Chris properly. But then I feel unproductive if I don’t get something done each day!
Anyway, this week while being under the weather I have found something. It seems as the fire of the furnace (trials) continues to burn away at my life I am finding my desire for Him deepening. It’s not even that I “need” Him although I do…it’s simply that I want to know Him more. I’m not looking for an “escape” from the fire at all, I just want to know HIm in the fellowship of His sufferings and the power of His resurrection… I want to be found “IN HIM” above all.
Now many of the old faith-ers may say that I lack faith because the trial has been so long. I have to say that my faith has ever increased as my life has been allowed to burn away in this furnace. I see more clearly and I long for Him with a new level of unquenchable thirst…
It’s funny in a way but as the fire burns away at what I called “life” I find I need “life” less as mine become more hidden in HIm….