Posts Tagged weekend

Not Bad For A Weekend

I know I still have another day to go until I get to Monday – but as any of you who might read more than one or two entries know weekends can be a tough time. There’s no “break” in the day since the aid doesn’t come and sometimes the only voice I hear is my own. I have to be careful or I will start dreading the weekend.

Well, today was fine – really. I have more work to get done as I have added another client to my newfound “freelance writing” work I’ve been doing. And I’m making lots of changes too.. lots of them. Those who get my newsletter will know in a day or two… it’s a long story. But anyway it is going to be a little easier on my budget. But it’s keeping me busy anyway…

Chris is doing good too – that always helps. Plus I actually talked to several people on the phone today and that helps too… I’m sure Chris gets so tired of just hearing me talk. It’s kina funny and I think I am old enough to blame it on age but I talk to Chris so much that I’ve got to where I just talk all the time. Like when I am in the kitchen and he’s in the bedroom.. just keep on talkin’! Oh well….

Anyway it also helped that my nephew, Jakob, came by for a few minutes last night. He nearly go shot, but it was good that he came by! Usually I don’t have visitors in the evening and he didn’t call to say he was coming by. So when I heard my storm door open about 9 last night my first thought was “where’s my gun?” But he identified himself in time! lol! I think I may put my bo over by the door though!

The coolest thing from today was when I opened the blinds on my patio door there was a beautiful pure white flower that had opened up since I’d closed them last night! I got way too excited when I saw it! I enjoyed it all day too! I’ll share a pic…if there’s one thing I am learning, it’s to enjoy the little things like that along the way. I thought of that the other day when I was running the trail.. there are all these different kinds of flowers along the sides of the trail. They are all so different. SOme are elegant, and some are dainty. Many have vibrant colors that scream for attention, while others are more subtle and you really have to look for them to find them…and my favorite (if I wasn’t running I’d take a picture) is this real spindley stem about 2 feet tall. It’s green but bare with hardly any leaves. But at the top is this poof of beautiful purple pedals! It’s amusing and kinda pretty at the same time! .. sorry rabbitt trail…

So I was thinking today about how difficult it is sometimes to keep faith when Chris is sitting here. I see the progress and I get so excited. And really the last couple of weeks somehow seem like he’s made a lot of progress in a short time…that’s encouraging. But then I look up and he’s drooled on himself…and I lose it once again. It’s this seesaw thing that goes back and forth pretty much all day everyday. But in my thoughts today I was thinking about how at times it’s easy to believe, and other times it’s easier to let doubt creep in…but in my heart it’s much easier to believe than it is to continue in doubt…I am not sure how that works. And I know the medical professionals that work with us really don’t believe Chris is so much better. I don’t see them fighting to get him therapy even though I know he’s ready…because they don’t believe.

That’s when I wish there was some button where I could push it and God would just raise Chris up  and I’d say, “Now you see?” But then if there was one, I certainly would have pushed it a long time ago…And I don’t have any driving need to prove anything to anyone really. It’s their problem honestly..while I continue to wait on Him…and I think that is still the key  – even though it makes me mad sometimes…not mad to wait, mad to know it’s the key!

It’s getting late I gotta bolus Chris and then head to bed to get a little sleep before we get up at 5 and start all over again tomorrow…but the weekend is half way down. I asked Chris if he wanted to just have church with me again in the morning.. he didn’t say no! So I guess we’re on.

Here’s a pic of my “good morning” flower:

My "good morning" flower

 

Actually for those still reading this has a very interesting story, I think. It was in the pot with the tulips that bloomed the day I moved in here. I left it because I knew it looked like a “real flower” of some sort. The lillies are gone, then the roses bloomed. After they stopped a gorgeous orange daisy came up near the edge of my garden. It’s just about done its job and I’ve been watching this bud for a long time…just waiting. Then last night it looked so pale. I wondered if there was something wrong with it and I was saddened to think it might not get to bloom… that’s why it was such a shock this morning when it was standing out there so beautifully!

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Half My Weekend Down!

It’s funny how I dread the weekends sometimes. I have to plan ahead to beat the emotional dips that usually occur. So far I have kept my head above water this weekend. I’m not sure why the loneliness can grab ahold so much easier on the weekend. Then I get easily sucked in under the other emotional currents and it’s a tough swim to try to get out! I think it may be since I rarely see anyone on the weekends. Occasionally it’s different but for two whole days I don’t see anyone and talk to very few people…

I have actually really missed church the last couple of days… not the religious side, but church as the whole get together I guess. Maybe some of it is just the interaction with others, or the corporate worship experience…I don’t know. But I do know that there are some things I am learning about God that are better than church. I’m beginning to see HIm in a very different way – I love Him more – and I wouldn’t trade that for church any ole day!

Chris is having his “awake” cycle. He is doing really good and I am pushing him more. I hope he stays in this part of the cycle for longer periods of time…his alertness and progress makes the sleepier days more difficult to handle…But for now his progress helps me keep going on…

I have conquered half of the weekend and so far still above float. I took a more proactive approach. I have lists of things I can do so if there is a lag I can check the list and hopefully try to motivate myself to get something done. Never mind the dangers of becoming a workaholic! lol! And I have turned Skype back on. I got to Skype with a good friend today from Louisiana. I’m actually thinking of scheduling a trip down this fall to catch up with friends and catch a couple of my old hiking trails that I used to enjoy so much…

Speaking of getting out – I know I have got to figure out a way to get out at least a little more. The two hours on M-F are great and so very beneficial. But I need some “i gotta get outa here for a while” time… I figured that out when I was planning on going to my brother’s on Monday. My niece is having her 9th birthday party! I figured I would see if Chris’ dad could sit with him for a few hours so I could go. I knew that I could take Chris with me if Ronnie couldn’t sit with him. So it wasn’t whether or not I was going – it was if we were going or I was going. When Ronnie texted me back to say he could sit with Chris I nearly cried! That’s when I realized I’m going to have to figure out a way to get out a little more for things like a movie or a good day hike… it’s the logistics that are the trouble… coupled with the fact that I almost won’t ask for help!!

I am studying Job again for a project I’m working on. I started looking at it again today and I was reading through the first part of the first chapter. I thought about how awesome it would be for God to call us “upright and blameless” in all our ways…then I remembered that Job wrote the book! lol! I thought about his over inflated ego for a minute. But then I thought about the confidence that he had in God that he could recognize and say that he was blameless before HIm! I want to get to that place. I ‘m a hard cookie it seems but I am just learning to let my situation break me until I fall to pieces in Him…there’s just something about knowing HIm and who we are in Him (including blameless)…that’s worth it all… somehow…

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