Posts Tagged race

It Would Have Terrified me Before!

There is a lot going on which means that my mind is working overtime to keep up. Hence, the post midnight blogging. I won’t even try to tell you all that is going on but right now things are in an upswing. Chris is doing well and making slow but steady process once again. It’s almost like he picked up where he left off last year when he started getting sick. It seems to be going much better. When he does better – my whole mindset is better. Trust me – it’s just good when it’s all on the upswing together.

I really do feel like I’m on a roller coaster much of the time; or maybe the correct analogy would be walking a tightrope where I have to keep perfectly balanced or fall to my death. Yeah, that’s what it feels like. The trouble is that I have some very good problems. ¬†Chris is doing better, up more hours of the day and needing a lot more one-on-one therapy and attention from me. He is eating good again so that consumes some time – not a complaint – just a fact. Think about all the things you do just to take care of yourself each day – eat, shower, brush your teeth, eat, go for a walk, eat again… everything I have to do for me also has to be done for him – it’s almost like it cuts my time in half to start with. Then add to that my work load which has grown which is another great problem, it’s just difficult to keep up with. And I’m about to finish up my Master’s in Health Education. 12 weeks and I’m done. Then I need to exercise and train for my races – unfortunately when I’m in a time crunch the thing I need the most – gets cut most often. So like I said, it’s a balancing act to keep it all together without losing it sometimes. (smile)

Anyway – that kind of catches you up to where we are and I hope to be a little more regular with the blogging because it helps me process my emotions and thoughts – and boy do I have a lot to process! But tonight I had something really crazy happen at the race. It was the Limbs for Life 5K and the proceeds help provide vets with prosthetic limbs. Usually there are runners with prosthetic devices and I really do not feel worthy to run with or for any of these honored individuals. There is a wheelchair division at this particular race too.

They kept telling us to stay to the right since it is an out-and-back and the wheelchairs and other runners will be returning and they will need the other side of the track. Somehow a kid got tangled up with a racing wheelchair at about one km in. The wheelchair went flying and the guy in it fell completely out. It’s a good thing he was wearing a helmet. I stood there for a minute to assess the situation. What I witnessed in the next 2 minutes was simply amazing. One lady began directing traffic and making the runners move back to the right so that they could continue moving. The mother of the child and two other people ran to the overturned wheelchair and started checking on the young man. They turned the wheelchair back upright at which time I stepped over to help steady it for them as two people picked the man up and put him back in his chair. He kept saying he was fine and he took off again. I took back off leaving the poor little boy crying in his mother’s arms. I took away a lot from this experience. One was that before Chris’ injury I’d have likely kept running with the other runners because I’d have been terrified to even think about helping. It actually was very natural for me to step over and offer assistance, although I really didn’t do anything much.

The second thing was I got mad. I was so angry that the young man in the chair could have been seriously injured because someone didn’t follow the directions. Now I do not know if the child’s mother didn’t try to keep him to the right or what happened as I did not see that part – but I got fighting mad as I thought about how negligence could have really hurt someone and almost 6 years ago my son was injured through a negligent (not purposeful) act. BUT — before we turn our noses up and pass judgment on this kid and his mother – let’s examine ourselves. How often do we go over the speed limit because we know that they won’t stop us up to 5 over – right? It’s no different. The rules and laws in most instances are made to provide protection and our carelessness or need to “get on with our agenda” can cost someone else dearly. Later I did muster up some compassion for the little guy as I know he was really frightened by the ordeal.

For my part – I surprised myself. It was so natural to step in – the race did not matter. I had no thoughts about the race until I was sure the young man was up and rolling again. I estimated we were there with him for about 2 minutes. That’s about what my final time reflected – and I still came in third in my age group and came home with a medal! I’ll try to not be so judgmental about the other guy – ¬†and concentrate more on my own character. Forgiveness many times, is an everyday thing for me. Gotta keep working on it….

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Sometimes Life is Like a Huge Yo-yo!

Don’t worry – this isn’t a rant or a sob story! I learned from the support groups and what little research I’ve done that the journey to recovery with a brain injury can go back and forth. I have really seen that in Chris’ progress. I used to get really upset on the “back” days and excited on the “forth” days! And I do still get really excited in those “forth” moments.

It is pretty much like Chris will go way out there and show me what he is really capable of…and then go back into the funk. However, there are several things that I find real encouraging about all that. For one thing – he’s coming out further and further all the time and staying there for longer periods of time. Then he does slip back into sleepy-mode; but it’s never that deep funk that you cannot get him out of. Actually, he’s pretty easy to wake up and it’s generally at least enough for him to give me the “go to Gehenna” look or grunt at me in obvious displeasure — both of which are also great signs of progress!

He did some amazing things yesterday! For one, I pulled out his percussion bag to see what all was in it. He watched intently as I pulled out each item. Then he actually hit the cowbell with a drum stick! That’s a first! He would try to hit the drum pad with it but never quite got it accomplished – but he got that cow bell, as well as the wood block yesterday! …then he literally slept all day today! …I’m kinda used to it now and kept myself busy working today. That was handy since I presently have several projects due for my clients.

I try not to let my thoughts go backwards. I try to use my effort to just live today. I have even been able to go through a couple of his boxes the last few days. It’s a little easier, I do it in real small pieces so it’s not overwhelming. But then of course it doesn’t take too much to tip the emotional cart either…and if I let it get tipped it takes me a few minutes to gather myself back up so I can get back to work…maybe it will get easier later…who knows?

I’ve made some personal decisions over the last couple of weeks too. I am getting a little more serious about running and training. It’s helping me make some decision regarding my own personal diet. I have also started walking Chris in the afternoons now that the weather is nicer. We walk through the park behind the house. It’s hilly so pushing him is a good workout for me. Speaking of that – yesterday was very interesting. I met some lady there. Here name was Nancy. I double checked my phone later to see if I did really have a new number entered under “Nancy in the park.” It was kinda unreal – but pleasant.

She gave me a flyer for an organization that is located right here in Norman. They are an activity center for adults with disabilities… I may be able to take Chris there at some point…she actually volunteers there. She’s one of those talkers that just has you talking and she’s talking and you feel like you’ve known her all along! We probably talked for about 15 minutes and then exchanged phone numbers…

But the cool thing really caught me off guard. Just before we parted ways – this stranger gave me a gentle hug…an element that is really missing in my life. I generally get hugs from Ronella and Eli on Mondays and Fridays – but no personal touch other than that. I didn’t realize how I missed the simple, casual human touch…

So I will continue to embrace the moment – live in it to the fullest since you never know what the next one might bring. That’s what I talked about in one of myother blogs today…For now – I will run this race well, at least the best I can for this moment with what I have right now. And I will run with endurance considering Him – the author and finisher of my faith…He will never fail.

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