Posts Tagged mom’s therapy

The Fight of Faith

It’s gotten a little crazy around here lately.Mostly beause Chris is up for more of the time. That’s a really good thing though! He seems to be tolerating being up most of the day now and stays up later at night. My struggle is getting all my work done in between our littl sporadic therapy sessions.  I try to take advantage of whatever he’s giving me to work with each day.

Sometimes anymore (may not really be all that unusual…now that I think about it…)my emotions seem all over the place. I do get very excited about whatever progress Chris is making. And really, in one way I was telling the aid this morning (here name is Jeanne too ) that it seems like Chris has been improving a little faster in the last couple of weeks. Now I know at this stage of the game he’s not supposed to. Good thing we don’t live by that huh?

Pretty much all the stuff I’ve read states that they may continue to improve but the progress gets slower and slower…but Chris is starting to eat more, move more and be very vocal about things he does not like! He can actually lean himself forward in his chair to make a transfer! That’s some key muscle control coming back. (sometimes the trial there is me being patient because it does take awhile for him to accomplish this feat!)

So I am always in this constant state of back-and-forth…I’m glad he’s progressing but sad for where he is overall…I rejoice at each accomplishment but wrestle with thoughts concerning trying to “adjust” to life this way…but I can’t settle into that because I know God promised…but the waiting is eating away.. and the further out the more difficult recovery becomes… sheesh! See what I mean- this feeling of needing to adjust to this being how it is, yet never really able to accept it…the fight of faith…I suppose!

This whole struggle is causing (or helping – depending on perspective) me find a whole new me…I am changing..I long for intimacy with HIm more than anything else – even more than just getting Chris healed – I just really want to know His ways. And that can be really confusing.

Oh we think we have it all figured out, us religious folks. I was reading in Jeremiah this morning and God was telling them that He was sending calamity (Jeremiah 32) their way because they did not obey Him. So my thoughts went nuts with that- did I do something wrong to cause this calamity? Did Chris screw something up?  I was all lost in the moment when I remembered Job – he was “perfect and upright” and calamity struck him. Maybe I lay somewhere in between these two extremes! lol! So there’s no answer…yet. And faith is still a fight…to be won of course!

So I am back at square one – just wanting to understand God… which seems impossible. At least until I found this other verse today. It’s in Jeremiah 9:23-24:

Thus says the Lord,

Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom,

and let not the mighty man boast of his might

let mot a rich man oast of his riches;

but let him who boasts boast in this,

that he ndersantd and knows Me

So it is possible to know God and be fully acquainted with His ways. Boy do I have a long way to go…bu determination will cary one a long ways! Hopefully all the way to His throne!

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Wow That Was Easy!

So we got all moved and Chris has done so very well with the transition. Actually I think he has improved even more since we’ve been here this week. While I’ve been excited to get the car and be a little more mobile I have also dreaded getting him out. It can be such a hassle to do all the things that go with just a simple outing. I decided that we would go out once a week period. No matter what the hassle is he needs to get out – and it does me good as well…even though it’s a lot of work.

So far I’ve taken him to my sister’s house and then last week I counted moving him over to the new apartment. This week was slipping by and so this afternoon I decided to take him out to his sister’s house. He basically grew up out there and it should be very familiar to him. Well, he is doing so good with transfers I wasn’t too worried about getting him in the car – just out as it sits a little low. But when we got there and even when we got home too he just stood right up and got over into the chair both times! His improvement in mobility has been simply amazing this week! It was so easy I wasn’t sure why I was dreading it so!

The one good thing right now is that he is really awake most of the time still. This just amazes me too. I am working on his voice each evening and he’s gaining more control there too. On one hand I feel like I need to do so much more with him… but I’m not sure what and how much. Someone told me today that they heard I should push him to the point of frustration because it will help him. Well, you know what – I’ve watched people do that to him in almost every place we’ve been over the last two years — and I don’t get the point! Yes, I agree I should push him as hard and as much as I can. And push him to the end of his tolerance. But brain injury patients have enough anger and aggression to deal with – I think I will try this more patient approach. Hey – it seems to be working! He is responding and I wouldn’t want to do something to make him mad enough to stop. He’s seriously trying for me… I’m not willing to break that cycle for the sake of any textbook methods. Sometimes an education can hinder you from your goals.

I am just thankful for all the progress I’m seeing in Chris. I miss him so badly and I miss who he was so much I can hardly stand it. I don’t know what kind of Chris will emerge – or even if he will – but I am thankful that he continues to progress. He is getting more and more aware all the time…I just hope I can “help him right.” Here’s a picture from today at his sister’s house.

Chris and Eli had all their attention on Ronella!

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