Same Silent Wonder

I’ve never been much of a Christmas fan in my BC life (before caregiving), but I think I like it even less now. Don’t get me wrong – there are plenty of things I appreciate about it such as people tending to be purposeful about their giving and those who reach out to others in need. But why do we only see that at the holiday? Shouldn’t that be all year long? Shouldn’t giving be a lifestyle not just at Christmas?  I know there are people who do that on a regular basis, and that’s good. And I do appreciate those who have given to us this holiday season. It’s really nice and warms our hearts for someone or some group to acknowledge we are indeed still alive! Every action of generosity is always appreciated.

On the other hand, I think I speak for many caregivers on this – life goes on. Our day doesn’t change one iota because it’s Christmas, Christmas Eve or New Year’s Day. As a caregiver we have everything  to do today that we did yesterday – nothing can be left out. These are not “days off” for us – and there is no break. And actually in many ways adding in a day of extra cooking, extra shopping, extra this or that – it can be overwhelming at best. And while I will enjoy the additional time with my family and am looking forward to it – no one knows how much more planning and work it takes just to do what is normal.

My thoughts started along this line because the nurse who came to check on Chris today (her normal monthly visit) acted shocked that the aide said she’d be here tomorrow on Christmas Eve. She won’t be here on Christmas Day of course – and while I understand that – it means what little break I do get – I don’t get. And if she chooses to not work on Christmas Eve too – it means a full week before I get to run errands or can get outside for a run. No big deal – I really do understand – but we are on hold as if our need does not exist on the holiday – in a strange way it sort of makes me feel like our needs are not validated – we are not important.

For many, the holidays are a difficult time and can mean additional emotional baggage just to make it through the day. Staff hurries about so they can get their jobs done so they don’t miss their holiday ( and that’s okay) – but while everyone else is enjoying a day off – caregivers still have a day on with additional responsibilities to live up to. It’s just a reach sometimes – well worth it – but makes me tired just thinking about it. lol

For many caregivers what should be the happiest day of the year can be a very dreadful and depressing time. We all have loved ones who have passed and somehow we tend to miss them more on the holidays. For me, I miss my son – even though he is still technically here. I’d love to give him a present and see him actually open it himself, smile at me and even give me a fake “thanks mom.” lol – But that’s not going to happen – he’ll be the same silent wonder on Christmas Day as he’s been every other day of the year.

I guess listening to everyone else talking about and planning out wonderful trips and Christmas vacations just got to me this year. Even though the day after Christmas I will spend with family and I’ll enjoy it – I still have that sinking feeling like I’m missing out on something in life. Emotions tend to run so much higher and the normal fights with depression and anxiety seem amplified. My life doesn’t change from one day to the next – from one holiday to the next. Every day there are things that have to be done and they can’t be put off until tomorrow…..ever.

This year, we were blessed by a group who went way out of their way to make our holidays a special time; and I’m so thankful – they really did make a difference for us. Today I look at my son – and think of all the things I have to do to care for him and all the things I have to do because I’m way behind in work – and I’m just overwhelmed again. Because every day is basically the same between caregiving and work, I never  feel like I get ahead – there’s literally no breathing room.

So this year while you are piddling around and hurrying around to get all your holiday shopping, cooking and stuff done – just take a moment to think of someone you know who doesn’t get to enjoy a “normal” holiday – or a day off. Just give them a call – send them a card – stop by and see them for 5 minutes — sometimes people just need to be reminded that others remember they exist. Brighten their day just a bit – by acknowledging the fact that they have value in your life – and that someone out there cares. Those seemingly small gestures do make a huge difference to someone living in a cave!

As someone who always has to have scripture for everything – I leave you with this thought – it’s from Matthew 25 where Jesus is describing the sheep and the goats. He said to the sheep, who had no idea what they were doing: I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited Me in; naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me. They asked Him when, where and how they had done all this – and He said –when you’ve done it even to the least of one of these – you’ve done it unto me. 

Don’t worry about drumming something up just to please Him though; the sheep were doing all that naturally – the goats never got a clue! So for those of you who have reached out to someone in need whether it’s a caregiver or not during this holiday season – I say thank you for looking like Him.


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