What a day! I finally got the van fixed so I was able to go to my mom’s church with her for Mother’s Day this morning. Chris definitely didn’t like getting up early and that always makes it more stressful on me. Just so happy to be able to get out once again. I guess everything is significant, but a couple of things stood out to me today. The first was my Daddy who grabbed Chris’ chair and pushed him all the way down to the front of the church. I laughed and told him I wanted to sit closer to the back. I think this stood out to me because even though Chris’ looks a sight, my Daddy isn’t ashamed of him at all. I brought him back where he was slightly more out of the way though.
Secondly, let me say that we were not ignored like we were at the last church we went to. Of course we knew a lot of people here because we have lived in the area for a long time and I think we could say our family is from there. But they did talk to us.
Then there is this one lady, she really had no clue. But at least she didn’t ignore us – lol. She walked right up to Chris and asked him how he was doing. Kudos for that. The she turned to me and said, “My daughter had never seen one until the other day.” I was like, “one”? She said something about a “severely disabled” person. I had to dismiss it since she really didn’t seem to be “all there” to me. But I think that was a new one – hadn’t heard him called “one of those” before. And she did say it more than once about seeing one. She said they were in a restaurant and seen one the other day. I chose to ignore it but boy do we need to learn proper etiquette when talking to and about people with a disability. That was just weird.
The preaching was good and the speaker shared some very good points. She told a story about when she was young and her daughter was born with some problems. She asked her mom to pray for her daughter and God healed her. While I am really glad for her – where does that leave me and my son? This generates tons of questions. I still have hope and I believe God can heal- but why would he heal some but not all? Probably not a question anyone will ever be able to answer fully – and maybe not even partially. The Apostle Paul said that for some the gospel was in words but not in power. Is God picky about who He “uses His power” on? Did He just overlook us? Or is it that we are insignificant but this lady’s baby was more significant? Maybe they had more faith than I do.
These are just a few of the questions that start running through my mind when I hear stories like this – or read them in the Bible for that matter. I want to say If God hadn’t healed your daughter that day, would you still believe He could? Would you still have faith? Of course we say “yes!” to those questions. I just sort of stare off silently and run out of words when I think about it. Do I say it takes more faith to walk through the struggles than to be delivered from them just to justify my own lack of faith? I don’t think so, but who knows?
All I can do is live today the best way I can. My life may not be pretty and maybe I haven’t got my miracle yet. Perhaps He will choose to never give us a miracle – but what if He does? I can never completely let go of Him. I just don’t have it to forsake the God of my fathers. I will continue to trust no matter what a day brings. And I think that this is true faith.