Arguing With Myself

I am sure I am the only person around who wastes most of a day arguing with themselves, right? That’s what I have been doing all day. I hate being in a place where things are not so clear. I suppose that just being in these high pressure situations have something to do with it…I hope!

I used to hear Him so clearly, and generally except for these occasional weird spots I feel like  I still do. I feel this unction to do a cetain thing which will remain unnamed! And at first when I started arguing it I thought I was not trusting HIm…but I do not think that is the case…I think I do not trust myself! And that certainly isn’ all bad! So here it is late at night and I am still arguing inside…and waiting for my connection in Pakistan…I’m supposed to teach there via Skype here any minute.

I feel strange about that perhaps because just a short time I ago I just didn’t feel like “teaching” any more…and because the lesson He gave me is walking humbly with Him…While I was preparing two scenes came to mind. ONe was the three Hebrew children in the furnace and the other one was Joseph. The three in the fire were out in a few minutes…as best as we can tell…hotter than you know where – but it didn’t last too long.

Joseph on the other hand did not have the heat of the furnace, but sat for years…years… in prison. Not sure which is better…if either. But the point is that all parties walked humbly with God. They did not moan or whine…just humbly walked through their trial. period. selah.

I do not think I do that too well…yet. I think I whine and moan a lot! I gripe and fuss at God…and He just lets me sit. For me it seems like each day is its own furnace and they all add up to the years of captivity that Joseph had! lol!…I know if God was going to get tired… it’d be of all my questions…which are okay – when you are humble. I’m just not always humble about it!

So today I just want to be resolved that no matter what He asks me to do… I will just do it.. just suck it up and do it. Whether I trust myself or not!…how ’bout you?


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