So Many Changes…

It has been crazier than usual the last week or so…too many changes. I think I found out I really am pretty anal when my schedule gets interrupted. I think I just float around in this fog and stumble through the days until I can get back to some sort of order! Where do I begin?

Chris’ aid gave us a week’s notice that she would be quitting. I was getting set to not have an aid…after I sorted it all out and found some advantages I could major on I was fine with it..thought it might be nice to have the change. And then they called and sent another one…that’s good…except that I had already set my mind on course to be without…she started yesterday – very nice lady and actually is a CNA with some caregiving experience. That helps…but it sent my emotions in a crazy way –

I had them all geared for what I thought was ahead and then Bam! it all changed and it is taking me some time to do more adjusting to more unknowns. Her hours are crazy so it jeopardizes my running career… got that worked out somewhat. I got a treadmill…I don’t have to miss a mile of my training – I just have to get used to the treadmill – very different running there…

I guess it was so frustrating because really running is the only thing I have that is uniquely mine. You know? It was my escape – I could get out – see fresh sites and get all my tension out while pounding the pavement. Now I run in the living room.. just not the same and I just can’t help but feel that I was stolen from once again…not sure what to do with that emotion…

On the other side of things – Chris is doing really well. Movement is returning and he’s initiating a lot more of them. He is doing so good! That’s encouraging…although I guard against getting too excited. Please forgive me, but it’s been a long journey and I don’t want to falsely anticipate an end any time soon…I can’t see that far…

I still hope – but wonder what Chris will be like when this is done. I can’t help but miss him.. a hurt that can’t be fixed. However, I try to concentrate on the good things that are happening around us and for us.

I won’t go into all our boring details, but things feel better overall….I have to think of the scripture that says these three remain: faith hope and love…I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Faith to hope – faith makes love work…and love is an energy…the same entity that was a part of God – that is God – that caused Him to send His son so we could have a way back to Him…gotta hold on to that sometimes… does that seem shallow? Maybe to some – love is such a basic concept – but in our religious circles – we’ve exchanged it for law and need to learn His love once again….


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  1. #1 by Cassandra on July 28, 2011 - 5:31 pm

    In my heart I have a longing to help you. I will keep praying for you. I think some times people forget about the caregivers and concentrate more on the injured or sick person. Both parties need prayer.Blessings on you Always:)


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