This is the world He gave us…

Can’t really say what’s up with today, it really wasn’t too bad. I’ve just really battled today with depression. I didn’t want to work, write, play …just wanted to work in the garden, but it was too hot! Nothing bad happened, and Chris did real good. He was a little sleepy, but that’s no big deal…he still did good even though he slept a little more through the morning. He ate well and that and increasing his mobility are my two goals so I’m pretty happy with that..for today.

I just had one of those days where I just miss being “normal” and getting to do “normal” things… not that there was anything in particular that I wanted to do…maybe it’s a little bit of cabin fever…even though I get those two hours in the morning(for which I am really, really thankful for!) I have used them only for running and fitness for some time now. But Friday I’ll have to go get some groceries so it’ll be a day off from running at least!

I think one thing that affected me today was some discussions I participated in on the support group I’m a member of…there are some really hurting people out there. Their stories are so similar to mine, and yet so different…but there’s lots of pain that really –no one can do anything at all about…I prayed for people I don’t even know today…I cried for them because of their situations and their great pain…and then – I cried for my own. You know it never stops, it’s just sometimes quiet enough to ignore…but it’s always still there and it only takes one memory, one thought, one picture of Chris playing the drums, or standing…to wake it up again. Today just happened to be one of those days that I couldn’t push it back down into quiet mode…

And yet, you know right here in the midst of the mess, there’s something happening. I am feeling further away from people yet closer to God. I am learning things from scripture that I just never saw before….The only way I can say what I feel is to say, I appreciate Him…can’t take anything for granted. He placed us each in time where He knew we would fit – this is the spot on the time line that He wanted us to be and that’s why He put us right here, right now. This is the world He gave us…and He did it for a reason – don’t know what that is, but I do know that carries a huge responsibility for us. We were put right here, right now and He has equipped us for time…this time…it’s up to us how we spend it…and I really want to spend time with Him…until we can lose time and only see eternity…

here’s to better days ahead…


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  1. #1 by Jeannie Brown on June 8, 2011 - 12:31 am

    Really enjoyed that last paragraph!!!! You just keep on, friend!!!! You are just doing great!!!!


    • #2 by Jeanie Olinger on June 8, 2011 - 7:39 am

      Yeah – I am glad you got something out of the last paragraph! It takes me a lot of work to arrive at sometimes. But tha’s the point of the blog – to let others see that faith is really a fight. Thanks for reading!!


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