One More Step Toward Recovery…

I’ll be the first one to admit that I have lots of trouble keeping my emotions as well as attitude in check. If I am not careful I can get so sucked in to the emotional vacuum where the pain is so deep nothing can be felt – but everything hurts all at the same time. Today, was no different.

My grandson had to have tubes put in his ears. My personal turmoil came because I wanted to be there with my daughter…and at first it seemed impossible to be able to leave Chris and work it out so that I could be with her. After all, I’m Ronella’s mother too! Sometimes I feel she gets the short end of the stick. I am so involved in Chris’ recovery that I know she must feel like she doesn’t even have a mom sometimes! Anyway, that worked out and I was able to sit at the hospital with her and Eli this morning…

The hospital was a little more than I was prepared to handle emotionally. First I had to pass by the trauma unit with the helicopter sitting out front. Then one came in while I was walking across. When Chris was in the hospital in Shreveport I used to hear the helicopter come in all the time with traumas. I would pray for the family because I knew people’s lives were being shaken that day…

The parking garage brought back a flood of memories from our short stay in New Orleans. It was probably one of the worst segments we ever endured. He did not respond to therapy and basically they were kicking us out on the street and I had no “home” to take him to…that’s when we moved to Oklahoma and boy is that a long story I’ll save for the book! lol!

Sitting in the waiting rooms was almost like torment. My mind kept running from memory to memory…I wondered if I could hold the tears in until I got in the car. I figured I would cry all the way home…but something odd began to happen.

I am a pretty observant person in general, and a little bit nosey. In the short time we’d been in the first waiting room I had witnessed what some of the other families were there for…one brought a tiny, tiny baby boy in for some major surgery. Another was the mother of a 2-year-old whose body cannot absorb nutrients so they were doing tests. She was there alone because her husband is serving in Afghanistan. While I could not fully understand their situations, I had some understanding of how powerless you feel as a parent. All the child’s life is spent protecting, teaching and nurturing and you can’t do any of that now. I began to compassionately pray for them…

Coming home I had to go back to the parking garage and the emotions wanted to overtake again…but I made this turn this time. I let the pictures of some of our journey flow through my head…and then I turned them to where we are now. HE has brought us a mighty long way… I’m not sure there’s anyway to compare scenes…

And so again I remind myself to keep at the forefront of my mind not so much how far Chris has to go…but how far he has come! It helps keep my perspective straight. It also helped me get focused back on the task at hand. I am starting to buy some various pieces of equipment that I can use to work with Chris. He did great this morning. I am really concentrating on stretching him right now. And already after one short session there was a response. I said, “Chris did that feel good to get your back and shoulders all stretched out?” to which he nodded his head “yes.” …a different sort of tears…

I think the journey is like my friend, Vickie, talks about a lot – just putting one foot in front of the other and walking… so I intend to just keep walking this one out. Who knows when, how or if it will end…but we’ll continue one step at a time…just walking. I think that’s all He really intends for us to do in our walk with Him anyway. It’s not as huge and grandiose as we would like to make it…it’s just about living life in HIm.

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