Emotions are a funny thing, you know? And this morning mine seem to be all over the place! lol! I just visited a site that I had found way back when Chris was initially in the hospital. It’s called Daily Strength. Basically, it’s a big site that has support groups for just about anything. I joined the brain injury community. And not too long ago I joined the caregivers community. It’s a wonderful, positive place. Basically everyone there joined to encourage and be encouraged. We share each others journeys and I’ve met some wonderful friends there!
This morning a new member was sharing her frustration in dealing with her son. He was 27 and in an automobile accident. The doctors told her that her son is in a “chronic vegetative” state. But her son does things that are not considered vegetative. He tracks her and follows some simple commands…I cried when I read her story… I guess because I understand.
Then I thought of two things. 1- How far Chris has come since the accident and 2-the first thing anyone ever told me on Daily Strength — the doctors do not have the last word! And I lived with that statement at the forefront of my mind for months. And as I watch Chris now I know that it is still true. It’s not the doctors who have the final say – they may have played a part (whether good or bad) but they do not have the final say – God does!
That’s what is keeping me somewhat stable in my thinking and emotions as far as if Valir will accept Chris again or not. In one way, I hope they do because they know what they are doing and perhaps they can help Chris become a little more mobile and independent. On the other hand, if they don’t I’m not totally sunk as I see his daily progress. I am at a loss as to how to push him properly from here…but I guess I will figure that out too! But sometimes – I don’t want to be his physical therapist – I just want to be his mom again. Yet I doubt things will go back to the way they were when this is all over anyway…don’t think it will ever be “all over” either.
For now, I am trying to settle in for this part of the journey. Moving and then securing a suitable vehicle to transport Chris in are my two upfront goals. I always have his progress in mind. But then I have to deal with the day-to-day whether or not I really see progress…
My emotions all crazy this morning and it made me think about his. There’s something he’s done for only the last couple of weeks that is encouraging. For so long he’s shown no emotions except being frustrated with me for messing with him. He has smiled a couple of spontaneous smiles too along the way. But the last couple of weeks a few times he’s just had this pleasant look. That’s the only way I know to describe it – he looks like he could smile at any second, even though he’s not and he just looks “happy.” I melt when I see him have that look – especially like yesterday. I was talking to him and he was so intently looking at me – and then that pleasantness came over his countenance….
So it seems there are many things changing…no wonder I am emotional – I’m sure I am changing too! I know that the Lord will continue to provide what is needed for the journey. That includes everything! I have not missed a meal or a bill so far! I know He will supply monetary needs but He will even sustain my emotions and my whole being. He’s a whole being God. And according to Psalm 139 He keeps tabs on even the most intricate details…no fear – no fail!