Wow! I’m having a crazy day – even for me. The move is still on and I am looking forward to those benefits. I can’t wait to have a washer and dryer in the house again! It’s just a matter of doing all the applicable paperwork..tedious but do-able. I haven’t started packing even though I know it may really sneak up on me…I just can’t until it’s a for sure “go” and I also know me – once I start I will want to keep going until it’s done.
I put a call in to the rehab hospital. I have very mixed emotions about the whole thing really. On one hand I am scared they will say no (in which case I am no worse off than before I asked). Then I am equally afraid they will say yes! It will mean a crazy 3 weeks for us. I know in some ways it will be hard on Chris being in a different place again. But if they can help him be more mobile and add a tiny bit more of independence for him that would be very helpful. My anticipation comes because I don’t know how I will work while he’s there. I want to be fully engaged for the 24 days and learn as much as I can while he’s there. So anyway – that’s just some of the emotions that goes into all these types of decisions. But hey – at least I’m not bored!
It’s like this time of change and it is fully upon us. Maybe Chris even senses it as he is so awake a lot more of the time. That means I have less time because I work with him more too. I feel bad to leave him in the room by himself for even short amounts of time if he’s awake. I mean think about it – these are the days we’ve been waiting for! But I know it’s actually detrimental to work with him too much. And at the same time I want to work with him enough to be effective. I need to know how hard I can push him without causing harm or shut down.
And then of course there are all the smaller things that nag at the emotions! But those are minimal and are (on good days) easily manageable. For today I have been going back to that intimate spot with God. I sat and sang for quite a while this morning and can’t wait for tonight’s broadcast. It’s funny how pain can cause us to run to His heart…and that is where I am resting while he heals me and teaches me how to carry this load…his way.
It all boils down to trusting Him with all of it no matter what it looks like, feels like or whatever else happens in a day. In my “life psalm” – 57 David is talking about being in a rough time in his life. He said he was surrounded by those whose teeth were swords (and I have experienced that lately too!).. but then on down in verse 7 he said my heart is fixed O God, my heart is fixed – I will sing praises.
So even with all sorts of “calamities” going on and people attacking him with words he knew were his heart belonged. I know where mine belongs too. In His…no matter what!