Since the weather has gotten pretty and I could get out to run once again it seems the fog has lifted! I can’t really explain it but as long as I keep running I do pretty good and I feel a lot better. Now I just need to get a handle back on eating once again. I terribly overeat and I’m not making the best choices! I have made up my mind to begin to do better though. I even know why I am making so many mistakes. Food tastes good and in my little world somehow eating something flavorful brings a measure of comfort – or just feels good. So I eat… But I think I’ve turned the corner on that one.. hope so anyway.
Yesterday I took Chris outside. My goal was to walk him over to Hastings and back without going in. I just wanted him to get used to the little walk. He gets very upset. But I think that’s normal because you’ve got tons of new sounds, sights and smells and he can go into overload pretty easily with all that! REally once we get off the sidewalk and up by the shops he does okay.
I got him almost to Hastings and realized there’s a music store next to it. I always talk to him about all sorts of things when we are walking so I told him we’d go in one day. Then I decided to take him on in to see what his reaction would be. He sat up and began staring at all the instruments! I don’t know when I’ve seen anything wake him up like that! He just stared at the cymbal display and drum sets.
It was very emotional for me. On one hand I was excited that I found something so stimulating for him. But inside I just wanted to cry because of who he was and all that’s been lost. I bought him a practice pad and he actually struck it with a drum stick! But it hurts way down inside to know of all he’s done and that it’s all gone…
All I can do is rely on Holy Spirit to bring comfort. I still grieve the loss and do not know how to get past it. I rejoice with each step of progress but the past nags away at my heart and mind. I try to keep comforting scriptures on my mind for quick recall when it tries to get me down. I am still wandering around Psalm 121 that myhelp comes from the Lord. And so today once I again I must simply rest in Him and allow Holy Spirit to encompass me with comfort and peace. (He sure has a big job to do!)