We have His Word on it…

It has been crazy around here! I’ve told you before that when I hit overload I pretty much shut down. It’s not all a bad thing, just a lot on my plate and so I just kinda go into this like zombie – I am just functioning – mode! That’s where I’ve been this week!

Sunday I did get out and got to go to spend a few hours with my parents. That was really nice. I even got to actually go to church on Sunday morning! I can’t even remember when I have been to church on Sunday! I have discovered some online blessings in this arena… but I actually went and that was kinda nice. Then I ate lunch with my mom and dad and we visited for a few hours before I had to head back. I really had a great time. But it sent my emotions into this craze. I guess sometimes I just kinda feel safe here in my cave.

Part of the emotions of getting out were cramped as I headed back. Sure, it’s great to get out and have a few hours, but then I have to get back to the day-to-day. It’s not really a dread, but just that I-can’t-really-relax-because -this-is-not-over type of a feeling. And honestly, I see no end in sight.

And that’s about when everything pretty much caves in around me again. The wondering if and when this will ever really end; or will it simply be like this for the rest of my life. Chris’ progress helps me sort through some times. But then that is so slow it tends to eat away. And even in those joyous moments when he reaches out to play fight with me, or shaves himself it’s so overwhelming that at this age in his life that is what excites me. He’s supposed to be getting jobs, getting married and making plans for his future…and here he lays. Yeah! He sat on the edge of the bed real good; yeah! his balance seems to be returning…it’s all good but that was so before he was a year old…and when it repeats at 26 it is very painful…

But I have God’s word…He is the one who promised restoration. It is His reputation at stake here. If He doesn’t do that – no one has to ever believe Him again! And I have to find my rest in that today – even though I sigh under the load and time tends to try to erode it all away…I must remind myself that I have His word

For today – that will buy my emotions some time. Maybe Iwill be able to quiet my brain down with that thought too. It wants to try to give up – stop believing…but my heart won’t let it. HE did not give us a time frame…and even though the future seems uncertain and I don’t know if I can do life on these terms for the rest of my life…I simply cannot give up…because He gave us His word…

The frustration tries to set in because I’m like –okay so is today the day I give up? Is today the day I don’t believe Him anymore? How long is it going to take for Him to honor His own word? Maybe we heard Him wrong and …There doesn’t seem to be a scripture about when it is okay to give up on what He promised. There’s no time frame built in that says – okay if He hasn’t done what He said before you collapse, or before a year – or two – or three — then you don’t have to believe any more. There’s no point in time where it’s okay to just let the anger take over – because it’s past the point of no return…He gave us His word…and I will not quit believing now! It’s just not in me… and that can be frustrating and tiring! But my heart is made up…even if I live out my life in this prison of sorts – God will restore Chris – because we have His word on it…

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