It has certainly been a couple of interesting days around here. Chris is really doing good and that helps my overall morale. Today he is getting his own wheel chair. They measured him while he was at Valir and ordered it. It will be fitted specifically to him and it’s his chair. It’s not a rental or a loaner. It’s kind of bitter sweet though…
I am very glad to get it as it will allow us to be more mobile. It should be somewhat smaller than all the bulk we are used to also. So there are lots of advantages. That’s the “good” of it. The rough part for me is the fact that we still need it! I don’t want my son to need a wheel chair of his own. He is almost 27 he should be surfing and swimming and marching and enjoying this time in his life…instead he gets a wheel chair for excitement.
Don’t get me wrong I am very thankful for it. I could not have purchased it right out either. Actually I am very thankful for all the things medicaid has helped with. Even though I get so frustrated with the system it is very helpful in many ways.
When I am struggling with all the decisions about needing to move so he can get the physical therapy he needs, be able to do laundry in house and things like that I really have a difficult time. I am not angry at the young man who caused the accident. It was just that – an accident. What upsets me is that he had no insurance; and it’s that lack of resonsibility that I get upset about. It would have changed this whole story. I have a more difficult time dealing with that aspect than I do with the wreck itself.
But then I have to go back to the fact that man does not take care of us. We do not lean on the arm of flesh. God is our provider…period. Yes He uses the system, He gives “witty inventions” to know how to make money, but ultimately our trust and faith is in HIm. He is our source of life, peace, security and sustenance. This takes me right back to Psalm 121 which states that He is where my help comes from. Not from insurance companies, people, or government agencies – the Lord is my help!
He is my strength! I have no doubt that walking through the furnace without His presence would end in death. But He has carried me. Now if I can remind myself to nestle down in His arms for the trip – it’ll all be okay. I think the trouble comes because I start trying to fix things and crawl out of His arms to go see what I can do! (don’t act like you don’t identify!)
But I am determined to stay tucked safely in His arms until the calamity is past. That’s from Psalm 57:1…a scripture that I held on to back in 1986-7 when I was sick with the mystery illness. My friends and family all thought I was dying. I did too, actually! But I refused to die at the hand of the enemy and God raised me up with a miraculous hand! So I figure that scripture is still ringing true today and that’s what I intend to do –
Be merciful unto me O God,
Be merciful unto me.
For my soul trusts in thee
In the shadow of thy wings will I take my refuge
until these calamities are past…