So.. I woke up this morning to the beginning of a new year. But the reality was that from 11:59 in 2010 to 12:00 in 2011 – really nothing but the calendar changed! Whatever was in place at 11:59 last night was still there to greet us this first morning of 2011.
Debts didn’t change, jobs didn’t change, bills didn’t change….Chris didn’t miraculously change either! It’s all the same today as it was last night…and I continue to wait on Him.
I guess right now I am trying to come to grips with the way things are right now. For one, no one is going to come to rescue me from the situation. It’s not like anyone could anyway! And God Himself hasn’t chosen to do that either… so I wait.
I have spent the last couple of days rolling around scenarios and information. I need to get a larger place and have begun making some plans to do so. Then I can go back to Louisiana and get all of Chris’ things that are still at his friend’s house. So I have to make so many plans to even begin the hunt!
I also am moving toward getting a vehicle that I can transport Chris in. Starting to move in that direction too. Even looked at a site that has vans that can load his chair…
To do all this I feel I need to also concentrate on making more money online! I’ve begun exploring and found some pretty promising and interesting things out there! It’s a whole different world…
The thing I must do from here is to not get overwhelmed by all the decisions that have to be made. I must bring myself back to trusting in HIm and His provision. Now I am smart enough to know that that doesn’t mean I sit on my blessed assurance and wait for Him to send me a check in the mail. Just in case you thought of trying that I can tell you it don’t work like that! lol! But He does lead in directions and helps me to find open doors that He can use to provide for us.
So I am not really waiting now for some miracle as it seems those days are gone. But I am still trusting in His promises. I’m trying to just settle into what I have and adjust; then go forward as He leads… carrying what He has laden me with. When He walks with me – or rather as long as I walk with Him – His burden is light.
I saw DJ’s new song today about what He sees. I wonder what He sees when He looks at Chris. When I look at him I see all the potential he had. I see a crippled up body that don’t work so good these days. But perhaps God sees Chris just as he is and gives no considerations to the physical condition at all. Chris is still a spirit being. He accomplished so much in his 24 + years before the accident. He already met so many of his goals. Maybe that’s what God sees…
So it’s basically time to just knuckle under with what we have and move forward… lots of plans for this year. I really want to finish a couple of books that I’ve already started. There are several study guides that I need to finish up too…Now to find the time!
Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. I trust the Lord is renewing Chris…day by day.