Days like yesterday wear me down. It had many ups and downs. The morning was good as Chris was very alert. But then in the afternoon my parents came and got no visible response from Chris. It’s so hard for them and me as well. I know how Chris has shared with me about how much he loves and respects his grandpa. Yet there seemed to be no response even when daddy played the banjo for him.
He did squeeze daddy’s hand and when we handed the banjo to Chris he made an actual chord. I said, “Chris make a ‘G’ chord.” And he slid his hand down to the proper fret and formed it! But other than that – nothing while they were here.
These times wear on my emotions. Simply devastating really. I feel other’s disappointment because they really want to see something spark in Chris. And then it gets heavy!
I really can’t give up as it is just not in me to do so. I know He is faithful period!He has promised and I will not deny what He has said concerning Chris and his recovery. And at the same time I must deal with today. One way I have thought about why the emotions are so difficult is it’s like Chris died November 8,2008; but he’s still here so I cannot fully grieve over his loss. It’s like it hangs there in the balance – never any closure – but not getting better fast enough to heal!
Today I will wait for His grace to sustain me and carry me through.I am reading Andrew Murray’s Waiting on God and it is very touching.
I will wait for Him and not despair!
I will wait for Him – and on Him cast my every care!
I will wait for Him and rest in His love.
I will wait for Him to send His strength from above.