Sometimes I feel others discouragement and disappointment with God. At first we really thought He as going to preform some great miracle and raise Chris up. This was our own interpretation of course based on His promises. Well, eventually, you realize that’s just not happening this time.
But He did give us two promises concerning Chris – totally unsolicited! I had the dream about a month before the accident occurred and in it Chris was on the road heading in the same direction he was before the wreck in the dream. Daddy is not one to solicit anything from God, he would never be presumptuous like that. The heavenly visitor who came about two years ago this time of year promised Chris many good days. And can I say that these are not good days?
But time wears away at the promises. Day after day tends to drag us further away rather than closer to them. Time passing by seems to nag at us and mock our belief in what He has said. I believe His promises…but who am I to defend Him to others? Can He not protect His own name? And if He cannot, how then could He be God? And since we know He is God, how would I defend Him? Silly I suppose…
Then this morning I am reading during my study time and happen to be in Deuteronomy 27-28. Looking at this I have to wonder if I have committed some grave sin against God. Has His mercy toward us ended that we are now here? Have His compassions failed? If there is any injustice it cannot be with Him, it has to be with me. Is there something that He has not shown me in my quiet time? His nearness has been so sweet the last few weeks, is He being nice in spite of something I have done? Have I omitted something?
If God does not hear us when we pray how is serving Him any better than the pagan gods? If He does not offer protection and comfort and healing on this side of eternity…why not just say a prayer and “get saved” and live our lives however we want while waiting for the end of time?
I cannot defend God, but I thought He would defend me. He has been my rock and my shield throughout all this time and I could not have made it without Him thus far…but my faith wanes as I read the discouragement in the questions ans statements and body language of others. Our shoulders are sagging…does He see?
Does He see that I still believe with all that is in me although I am like Daniel in that I am weary with weariness? I am sure He will understand that I really do not have the strength to defend Him.. I can only wait for Him. And Isaiah 30 says that in our waiting is the strength.
If He is waiting on high to have compassion on us…what is He waiting for?