I do not even know what to expect today. This is the day Chris has his appointment with the rehab doctor. She’s quitting the private practice so after today we’ll have to find another one. That’s just one more thing on the list of to-dos! Don’t even know where to start with that one, hopefully she can give me a jumping off spot.
I’m pretty apprehensive about today’s visit. On one hand I am pretty sure it will go well because he has been steadily, yet slowly, improving. That makes me hopeful that they may go ahead and set a date for him to go back to rehab. He gets 24 days a year.
Then on the other hand I am afraid they’ll dump us as others have done. She may say, “Well, that’s it” and not be open to his improvements. I really am afraid of that for some reason…probably the rocky past we’ve already walked through with so many health care facilities and personnel.
But I have to talk myself through this one. The best case is they say he’s ready for more rehab and schedule him for January! The worst case is they drop him and I’m on my own once again. I think I can deal with that. It’s not like they are doing too much right now anyway.
In the mix I am starting to move toward moving into another county. My understanding is that if I move into another county Chris can get rehab in home. It’s paid for now and fully provided in his plan. But the home health I’m with doesn’t have a contract with anyone in this county so he can’t get it! Frustrating….
I guess it all comes down to no matter what I just can’t stop believing. I am tired and really want to quit. But it is just not in me to do so. Sometimes this feels so heavy and I feel like I will break beneath the load. I fear having to live the rest of my days just like this. Surely God has another plan down the road! But if not, I will trust HIm and keep believing the promises He’s given us about Chris and even myself.