Trusting His Provision

I don’t even know where to begin. Actually, Chris is really doing well so that’s encouraging. I wanted to take him out yesterday but he has become so loose the last few days that he’s not helping me with transfers as much. I didn’t want to tackle getting him in and out of the car myself if he is not helping…I know once I do it I’ll be okay with it. But I am just so afraid of hurting him…just goes along with it I guess.

This week has been trying in many different ways. For one his supplies have not come in and I’ve had to go buy his incontinent supplies myself. I don’t even know how much I have spent, I just know the money is about gone! It’s funny though, I am not really so much stressed as I am mad. I want to know how to fight for us but have always been afraid I’d go in knocking people over without a good knowledge base. That’s how innocent people get hurt. But at the same time there are some things I know the gov’t programs we are on provides. They provide diapers, gloves and his formula. But we haven’t even gotten that this month. I am down to three cans of formula, which isn’t enough to make today if he doesn’t eat well. (and that’s something we just don’t know until he decides! )

One worker told me I could blend up anything (food wise) and put it in his tube. I know that but I shouldn’t have to! It’s been a struggle all along. I’m supposedly saving the state all this money by having him at home instead of the nursing home and they say they want to help. But then everything is “we don’t pay for that.” I get the runaround – that’s handled by DHS. Then DHS says, “Call your advantage worker.” So it’s a stale mate and I am tired and honestly mad as hell.

I’m going to find the right person to talk to soon. It’s so frustrating though and it just isn’t right that it’s all added in on top of an already stressful situation! My understanding is that there are several other things that he is supposed to get that we have not received.

So from right here in the heat of the battle where do I find faith? I have to go back to something that is rooted deep in me by His word. He (not DHS, not Advantage, not the gov’t, not anyone or any institution) will provide all my needs according to His riches in glory. I have watched God miraculously take care of us the last two years. And that’ s not even considering all the years before! He is not bankrupt yet! His riches in glory far surpass the tiny little need of formula and incontinence supplies!

He has never failed me yet. I did not always get exactly what I wanted when I wanted it; and sometimes didn’t get what I wanted at all! But He has never failed to supply my needs! I trust He will bless our bread and water and take sickness away from us… He is Jehovah Jireh – our provider! He is the many-breasted one who is and has more than enough!

You know, when you think about it… there’s nothing to worry about at all! (But I’m still up for a good fight when the time is right! )

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