Sometimes when Chris is not feeling well it makes it a little more difficult for me to get through the day. Last night as I was getting ready to go on to bed, I just looked at him and he still seems so far away. Tucking us in for the night is a pretty involved process for me really. I have to change him and get him turned on one side or the other since I don’t know for sure how long he’ll sleep. Then I have to make sure I have all supplies set up so I don’ t have to go looking for stuff in the middle of the night! I tube feed him and get him the rest of the meds for the day. After I wash out his tube feeding utensils I make my coffee for the morning and try to get myself laid down for some rest.
He is progressing nicely really. Seems to be doing well even though he’s sleepy still but I think he just hasn’t felt well the last couple of days as he is wheezing again. That’s another whole battle as I’ve had to call the doctor twice and still don’t have the meds for his breathing machine. Not really that big of a deal in some respects, but just an added frustration in an already full cup of battles!
So this morning my “cup of frustration” is already set on high as I have to check to see if the doctor did indeed call in the prescription this time, and trying to get a step ahead of Chris’ wheeze! I’m also starting to try to plan for my weekend away and that is troublesome to me as well. I feel like I am placing so much strain on everyone else. I know.. I live with the strain, but I still feel badly.
So how do I begin the dig out of this hole? I have to return once again to His promises. He promised things about Chris and those things stand no matter what I see right here in this piece of time. I must turn to Him and rely on Him for the strength to make it through yet another day. I know I am not going through something that no one has ever been through before. But I wonder how those who do not know the Lord and the word make it through these types of things. I feel I am pretty mature in Him and still have to concentrate to keep my grip on His word tight.
One of my prayers from the very beginning was that I would be like some of those saints (I know I’m no saint !) who have gone before. You know the ones who were put in prison because of their beliefs and they began to write and we have some wonderful insights about our Father because they yielded to Him even under the pressure. Even a large portion of the New Testament was written from confinement. I hope that in this press I will let Him be what is pressed out of me.
I hope that as I learn to yield myself to Him even more He can use me more. I think again of Joseph and Daniel who were men of high esteem even in captivity. Somehow through the darkest toughest times of their lives they maintained a close relationship with Father. And you know, they didn’t have Psalms to look up for encouragement, they must have gotten it directly from Him. So that’s my intent today, to press into Him even more.
Yeah, like a child who is troubled crawls up in your lap and presses in to get even closer to you? That’s some awesome snuggle time for a parent! That’s how I want to be with God today, I want to “snuggle” with Him. And I believe in that yielding and leaning on Him will come the strength for today… how about you? Need some snuggle time too?