The last day or so has been pretty good really. Even though Chris is sleepy he really seems to be improving and that helps me out a lot! I get very excited at the progress I see. And then as I have shared before it still brings a sadness. I just miss my Chris.
One of the things that plagues my mind is wondering about “who” he will be when this is over. Right before the wreck he was talking a lot about his drums. He talked about not wanting to make them an idol or a god in his life. He was so concerned that he would enjoy the gift more than the giver. He spoke frequently about laying them down. And he really went through seasons where he did so. It seemed right before this incident that he had found a pretty good balance.
Among the other things he talked about frequently was just his intense desire to know God. His struggles reminded me so much of those of Keith Green. We discussed these struggles a lot the last few weeks before the accident.
I can liken this to watching a butterfly emerge from its cocoon. It went in a slimy little worm! But when it goes through the deep sleep and then the struggle it takes to get out, it is a changed into a thing of beauty. With the promises God has made concerning Chris I have to believe this is a parallel process.
So I once again return to His promises regarding my son. I must trust that He will restore because that’s what He said He would do. He said He would restore the years that the cankerworm and destroyed. I think about these two years (so far) and all that seems lost. What will it look like when He restores us?
How can God “put all this back?” The life I lost, the jobs and plans and hopes I had for me and Chris? I know that’s not too much for God, but it sure seems like a far stretch! 🙂 Will I go back to Chicago? Where do I belong? Will Chris even want to finish his education? Will he even care?
…and that’s just the beginning of all the questions I have today…
I don’t know what life is going to look like, but I must deal with today. That’s all any of us can do anyway, because with all our plans and hopes and dreams…we still only get to live one day at a time!
A man may make designs for his way,
but the Lord is the guide of his steps.
Proverbs 16:9 BBE