This morning I have been struggling with the situation again. Yes, Chris is having really good days and yes, he’s making a little bit of progress all the time. But I think as we approach the two year mark from the accident I wonder how long it’s going to take? I look at him still not able to move his right side, still not speaking, and I just have to wonder how long?
Mentally, part of the way I’ve talked myself through much of the journey is to tell myself he’s making small steps each day. (I can’t wait until he can literally do that!) But the time part nags at my heart and mind. I have to give room to the consideration that this could still be years in the doing. I could live the rest of my life like this. That’s a troubling thought really. Yet I must think about that scenario being a real possibility as I do not know when God will move.
One of the most troubling things I have to work through is knowing God can heal and wondering why He won’t. It’s like, are all the New Testament miracles there to just show us what he can do? Are they just teasing us with His vast capabilities without them being really demonstrated in our lives? Jesus healed paralytics; he healed a withered hand…why not Chris’?
Then I have to reign my thoughts back in because I can get very frustrated and feel very abandoned by God. Time can be our worst enemy. A lot has happened in these two years. Do I still have two more years to struggle in this journey? Do I have more than that? When will God come for me?
These are some real questions that I have to deal with every day. It’s actually getting easier to talk myself back to faith and trust. That’s really my only alternative anyway! I must trust Him no matter what a day brings. I will trust Him if every day looks like today.
This morning I was rereading Psalm 104 since that’s where my Bible was opened to from last night’s broadcast. I completed it and found myself reading on into Psalm 105. This psalm basically gives a run down of Abraham all the way through the Exodus. He talks about the covenant God made with Abraham…and to a thousand generations! (if a generation is about 40 years that gives us like 40 thousand years worth of covenant!)
Then verse 16 says that He (God) called for a famine; He cut off the bread of the land. Then He sent Joseph before them. He did that? Wasn’t there another way? Couldn’t he have just told Joseph to pack up and move? Joseph went as a slave – sent by God. Why would God choose to send him that way.
It says Joseph was afflicted, and in irons. We know he was unjustly put in prison and suffered in Egypt. Until verse 19. Until the time that his (Joseph’s ) word came to pass. The word that the Lord had given him tested him. Maybe that’s where I am right now. God has promised full restoration and time is a valid enemy of the mind! His word that He has spoken about Chris will come to pass, although for the time being we are in this prison of sorts!
Well, there ya go. Just talked myself back to faith! I am encouraged! I can trust Him for another day…