Faith When the Furnace Gets Hotter!

You know, it’ all going good. Chris is doing great, making improvements and faith comes easy. It’s comfortable to say, “God has promised” this or that including a “full recovery”! Faith is there for the moment. Scriptures bound up from my heart and run through my head. I can easily give a hearty, “Yes and amen!” Standing even while in the furnace is easy those days, much like this morning.

But then out of nowhere comes this resounding shaking. A simple phone call to try to resolve one of Chris’ debts and the flood of emotions take over once again. I have to explain and re-explain the situation reiterating all the details of the last two years as briefly as I can so they understand. However, it seems in America the only thing that has a voice is money.

Some bill collectors are compassionate although they can do nothing to help. Some can be just down right ugly and uncaring. Since I got power of attorney I’ve begun calling some of them to see where I need to send the paperwork. Each one knows nothing about what’s going on even though each person I have talked with over the last few months has supposedly “noted his account.” So all three places I called I had to go through the same old spill…and it has a way of trying to wear down faith.

Once again I have to really stop and see where I am and it’s getting hot once again! How can I look realistically at this present situation and get my spirit and His word back in control? As I hang up the phone from the third call doubt rushing in and tries to replace my peace. I see Chris sitting here, not speaking moving very little on his own.He can do little to care for himself. Seemingly cares about nothing. And I miss him…

How do I get the Word and His promises back in control? I deal with reality everyday, there’s no way to ignore what I am living through. The struggle never ceases. I see what is present here in time and grasp toward faith once again.

Psalm 77 is a great psalm during these times. I look at verse 11. When I cannot see what God is doing right now, I think of all He’s done. I think about where Chris was a year ago, and how much more he’s doing today. I cannot think about how far he has to go and keep it all together. I must think about how God spared his life November 8, 2008. I think back about all the tubes that were sustaining him for days. Then I think about how one by one they have all been removed until the only one left to remove is the feeding tube.

I think of how he slept and slept and slept…and how he is awake all day now every day. God has brought him so far. God has brought me so far!

Psalm 105 comes to mind.

Seek the Lord and His strength

Seek His face continually

Remember His wonders which He has done.

And once again there is peace in the storm and faith for today.

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  1. #1 by Pam DeCrane on October 16, 2010 - 5:16 pm

    Jeanie, nothing in my life even comes close to touching the eminence journey your on. However the things I deal with my nerves, ocds and STUPID stuff like that creat trumoil within myself. I can’t tell you how your daily blogs encourage, help me and remind me of Gods love, mercy and grace. Thank you FRIEND I love you.

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  2. #2 by Jeanie Olinger on October 16, 2010 - 5:33 pm

    Pam, I am so glad to know someone is getting some encouragement. That’s one of the main reasons I wanted to start the blog to begin with. I thought maybe if I let people see the struggle it can be to hold on to faith they would get some help in their own struggles. It’s easy to talk about faith without sharing how difficult it can be to keep it! I like to be positive but it really bothers me when people are all “super-souped-up” faithers without sharing the reality of the struggle. I don’t think that is “faith” at all…I think it’s hyped up nothingness!

    We are all on our own journey of faith and I am hopeful that my struggle will help others see that even in the toughest times (and we are all going through something!) faith can be reached…we may have to dig through a mountain of poop to get there though! lol! But I say, “let’s keep diggin’!”

    Love you so much my friend!!

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  3. #3 by Connie on October 21, 2010 - 1:57 am

    Just thinking as I read this how uncomfortable it makes me to actually think about the reality that “faith” doesn’t mean our spiritual walk will be always rosy. Don’t get me wrong, I think it is very important to think positive; but somehow reading these blogs kinda calls me to make a decision to answer “will you follow me?” I do so desire to follow Him places where I can know Him intimately. I want to make a decision to follow Him no matter what happens instead of being surprised and discouraged when the going gets tough. I think it’s better to be told that this journey might not be easy but that the view from the top of the mtn. will be well worth it. I don’t want to be snowed into thinking it will be easy then miss the reward because I wasn’t prepared for endurance and trust. Thank you, Jeanie, for making yourself vulnerable so we can see God work and trust Him better in our own walk. We love you AND Chris.

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    • #4 by Jeanie Olinger on October 21, 2010 - 2:22 am

      Love you guys too. And you’re welcome. Somehow the unspoken idea is that you get saved and everything is solved. But I don’t see that scenario playing out anywhere in scriptures. Actually, the writer of Hebrews said, ” after being enlightened you endured a great conflict of sufferings.” We like to skip over suffering as if it doesn’t exist. But one hard look around us and we can find it somewhere. Many church people suffer in silence. Partly because they didn’t know there would be a “fight of faith.” They thought it was peachy keen! It’s all about trusting Him…no matter what. “Though God slay me yet I will trust Him.” Job 13:15

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  4. #5 by Connie on October 25, 2010 - 5:24 pm

    Love your reply. “Christians suffer in silence” is such a true statement; one that most of the church would soundly deny. I’m hearing from more and more people that they feel like they’re at the end of their rope; people who have it all together on the surface. So many of us are having a hard time believing God is really still in control. Do we really believe that He doesn’t have plans to “prosper and not harm us” in spite of the circumstances? Instead, we’re like, “Alright, already – I’ve had enough. Either God has lost control or He has lost His compassion.” Then, since we certainly have no alternatives when we quit trusting Him, we go spinning out of control in fear. Praise God for the “scarlet thread” that keeps us from spiraling out of His reach.

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    • #6 by Jeanie Olinger on October 26, 2010 - 2:34 am

      Connie, you are so right on! I have talked with several who just are not sure of His care anymore. I think we misunderstand His protection. He protects that inside part of us, the eternal part and absolutely nothing can harm us in that sense. We may be negligent or careless or not attend to our body’s properly and be sick or injured. His protection is inside, not just outside. He is indeed in control, has always been and will always be. We fee out of control – that’s our problem I think! That is very difficult for us; we really desire that sense of control, and He allows it for awhile…then we crumble at the realization that we are not really in control of anything like we thought! ..and next ..comes freedom!

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