You know, it’ all going good. Chris is doing great, making improvements and faith comes easy. It’s comfortable to say, “God has promised” this or that including a “full recovery”! Faith is there for the moment. Scriptures bound up from my heart and run through my head. I can easily give a hearty, “Yes and amen!” Standing even while in the furnace is easy those days, much like this morning.
But then out of nowhere comes this resounding shaking. A simple phone call to try to resolve one of Chris’ debts and the flood of emotions take over once again. I have to explain and re-explain the situation reiterating all the details of the last two years as briefly as I can so they understand. However, it seems in America the only thing that has a voice is money.
Some bill collectors are compassionate although they can do nothing to help. Some can be just down right ugly and uncaring. Since I got power of attorney I’ve begun calling some of them to see where I need to send the paperwork. Each one knows nothing about what’s going on even though each person I have talked with over the last few months has supposedly “noted his account.” So all three places I called I had to go through the same old spill…and it has a way of trying to wear down faith.
Once again I have to really stop and see where I am and it’s getting hot once again! How can I look realistically at this present situation and get my spirit and His word back in control? As I hang up the phone from the third call doubt rushing in and tries to replace my peace. I see Chris sitting here, not speaking moving very little on his own.He can do little to care for himself. Seemingly cares about nothing. And I miss him…
How do I get the Word and His promises back in control? I deal with reality everyday, there’s no way to ignore what I am living through. The struggle never ceases. I see what is present here in time and grasp toward faith once again.
Psalm 77 is a great psalm during these times. I look at verse 11. When I cannot see what God is doing right now, I think of all He’s done. I think about where Chris was a year ago, and how much more he’s doing today. I cannot think about how far he has to go and keep it all together. I must think about how God spared his life November 8, 2008. I think back about all the tubes that were sustaining him for days. Then I think about how one by one they have all been removed until the only one left to remove is the feeding tube.
I think of how he slept and slept and slept…and how he is awake all day now every day. God has brought him so far. God has brought me so far!
Psalm 105 comes to mind.
Seek the Lord and His strength
Seek His face continually
Remember His wonders which He has done.
And once again there is peace in the storm and faith for today.