This morning has already been a roller coaster ride, especially where emotions are concerned. But that’s not really to atypical of any day really. I am so encouraged by the progress I have seen in Chris this week. He is using his left hand so much more, standing well, sitting own using his own muscles and strength and being a lot more alert it seems. Those days make it easy to stand in faith….based on what I see (which remember isn’t faith at all!)
Then yesterday he was so loose I could barely get him to stand, I had to help hold him up. He had absolutely no tone for several hours throughout the afternoon and evening. I actually found this encouraging as well. Even though it was more work for me to transfer him, he was trying and just didn’t have it!
Overall, faith is easy when I see his progress. But then this morning he just sleeps again. Not anything like he did in the past but just really sleepy. I am sure if I went ahead and got him up and moving he would probably wake up some. But I decided we could both take the morning off. I still have to do lots of things like feed him and bathe him of course, but we can go at a much slower pace and we both get a little break. (of course I feel guilty because I feel like I should be pushing him constantly) So it’s a total conversation with myself. Even rehab gives two days off so the patient can rest and be ready for the next week.
I guess my hope that he will just get up one day and be okay look grim when I look at him just laying there today. That’s where my heart and faith begin to kick in and push me up the next hill on the emotional roller coaster ride! I begin to look at the Word to see where I stand. It just begins to rise within me and I can’t really explain it. Chris will be okay. He may be in bed today, but not for always.
All of a sudden my emotions are lifted just as I begin to redirect my thoughts back to faith. I am finding this is a lot easier than I thought. Just picking up my Bible and perusing through a few Psalms and there ya go! There is faith to lift my heart today! I turn my mind toward thinking about how great God is and all His creation and it washes away the pain.
Actually, when you think about it, in the deepest part of Job’s suffering that’s where God directed Job’s attention. He spent quite a while with His own description of creation and its display of His power and wisdom. I think with all that package God can handle me for one more day too!
So turn your thoughts – turn your heart! It’s gonna be okay (that’s a Dennis Jernigan song that has ministered to me much during this time too!)