You know, it’s just been crazy here the last week or two. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already! But over the last day, actually since I finished yesterday’s blog. Nothing has physically changed but I at least got a few possibilities of some directions to take. It helps just to not feel boxed in.
I do not know exactly what happened but in the process of the crushing I found my resolve. I pressed through and did the newsletter. It would have been easy to wallow around in the mire and just let it slide for a week. No one is “making’ me do it after all! But I decided to knuckle down and get into prayer and get my focus off all the junk and get it done.
I also went to the store and despite the negative emotions that were going on at the time I purchased the items I needed to continue making study guides and other publications. (DF actually has an inventory now! lol!) I pressed through, completing the newsletter and worked on a couple of other projects. I ended up being pretty excited about it all by the time I was done. I even wrote a “just for fun” note on fb about taming a hippopotamus!
Somehow today as I was riding my bike to complete errands I realized I had a completely different attitude. I’m not angry and that’s a good thing because that can be damaging to me and to others. I actually took on the Main street bridge today. I decided I should not have to ride all the way around and make a three quarter mile trip into a 2.4 one! (I was careful…don’t worry!)
As I have given in to prayer and even spent some time in “worship” somehow my heart has settled down and today I just kinda feel like, “bring it!” Not looking for a fight,but not scared of one either! I can’t explain it, but it’s like something inside just broke and it’s not a bad thing. It’s more like somehow I am free.
I guess that’s the point of the pressure, to get us to the place where all the shells and masks we are hiding behind are crushed and the real us can emerge. Back to the three Hebrew children in the furnace, all that burned was those who threw them in and the cords that were binding them. Maybe I have begun to reach a point where the things that have been binding me are melting away. That’s what it feels like, even though it’s still really hot in here!
Something happened when I pressed through. It’s like the world is wide open before me once again. I guess it’s like when I pressed on into the things I felt like God wanted me to do it was somehow a display of trust. You know, like I really trust Him to complete the work in me and in Chris and in Ronella and her family – or I would not move ahead.
So bring it! I am going to trust Him, no matter what comes my way. It will not change God, it will not alter one thing that He has said! My continued actions toward His instructions actually display my level of trust. Who’d of thunk it?